Contentment, Happiness or Joy

“Find that which is full of life, vibrant,

and joyful;

it is there you will realize happiness.”

--- Kenneth D. Foster

When was the last time you felt real joy, that tingle of pure delight? Bigger than contentment, more intense than happiness, it’s a feeling so vast it could almost swallows you up. However fleeting, joy is the ultimate expression of gratitude and appreciation of life. It’s what fills you up, bursts you out of yourself, connecting you to something larger than yourself. It fills you with a life giving force that leaves you overwhelmed with the most incredible awe.

“All the dancing I’ve done has been alone in the veld, when I’ve jumped in the air and thrown up my arms and shouted with the mere joy of living.”

--- Olive Schreiner

As a coach or councillor, it’s a privilege to help lift a person's spirit. Counselling others can be quite draining and it can also be extremely exhilarating. There’s nothing that gives me greater joy than having a client report even the slightest improvement in their situation, or as I was told this morning, “I never thought of it that way,” and “I finally understand I’m responsible for my own happiness”. It’s so amazing to witness a client realize they are a person in the process of evolving, that they are an ongoing masterpiece growing richer and fuller with each dab of paint. Here’s the epiphany: Joy isn’t waiting for the painting to be finished; Joy is in every stroke of the brush.

The real work of our lives is never complete; the very nature of our existence involves the privilege to evolve and grow. If we can just put our faith in the process of growth, surrender to it and enjoy it, we can save ourselves so much anxiety and we’ll always end up exactly as we should. The greatest joy lies not in simply being but in becoming.

"Faith is the confidence, the assurance, the enforcing truth, the knowing..."

--- Robert Collier

Teachers have a difficult task put to them to bring our children into the world with wisdom, but sometimes the roll is reversed and the child brings the teacher wisdom.

When my daughter was small, before starting school, she attended a preschool, or crèche. Each morning the children were gathered together for ‘Show and Tell’, where they each got to relate something that they felt was important that had happened to them or someone in their family. Often the teachers would relate these stories to the parents if they thought it necessary, informative or pertinent.

There were a number of children who came from ‘difficult’ home situations and one morning the teachers noticed that one little girl sitting in the far corner of the room, a child who was often too quiet and passive, Megan was visibly upset about something. Not wanting to pry too deeply, but needing to lift the child’s spirits, they put a general question to the children, “Does your mommy and daddy ever get upset with you, and then you don’t feel happy?” A number of the children responded, calling out or waving their hands in the air, but this little girl in particular started to weep quietly in her corner. Encouraging Megan to come forward for a bit of consoling, the teacher then asked the children what they did to get over being sad. A little voice piped up, “I like to think happy thoughts, then things just get better. The ugliness and sadness go away.” What amazing wisdom from a small child.

“Each moment in time we have it all, even when we think we don’t.”

--- Melody Beattie

When things don’t go our way, it’s so much easier to focus on what we don’t have, rather than the blessings in our lives. We speculate on what’s missing, the dreams we have never fulfilled or the wrong we perceive in life. We use all that energy that could be put to better purpose focused on introspection to help us grow, improve, develop and evolve into the masterpiece we are to be. To be happy, we need to concentrate on happy thoughts, to direct our mind by asking empowering questions:

· “What is limiting my happiness?”

· “What has happened that has robbed me of my joy?”

· “What do I need to do to be happy in this moment?”

· “How can I create happiness in my life?”

"...To seek out your own inner peace is the greatest gift you could ever hope to give to this world."

--- Eric Walton

By answering questions of this sort we find a path that leads us back to joy. However, we need to be aware that we may have constructed stumbling blocks to our own happiness. We may have festering attitudes toward our expectations in life. Perhaps our childhood wasn’t the best, or we have been exposed to poor conditions, neglect, violence or abuse. But, no matter how traumatic, it is possible to turn these things around and learn from them. Every experience in life drives us toward growth. Growth that is as important to our existence as food and water. Every experience brings a lesson to be learnt. The lessons may be unpleasant and the ‘lesson-givers’ may leave dark imprints on our hearts, but just as we should not kill the messenger, so we should learn to be able to forgive the ‘lesson-giver’ for they are nought but a messenger in the big scheme of things. Furthermore, if you ignore the lesson demonstrated, it’s likely to recur, perhaps in a different package, until we acknowledge it and gather the pearls of wisdom it bears. There is a part of each one of us that is longing to understand and move past the wounds, no matter how deep. Once the lesson our experiences hold is realized, and ascertained, we are not only able to move on to the next lesson, we are also able to again tap into the unending happiness that lies within our own consciousness.

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Medical science has made great inroads in the last decade in the effort to try and explain consciousness, from a scientific viewpoint. What they have found is near miraculous. Previously it was thought that a brain, for instance, had so many nerve cells, which were there for life and they were not replaced throughout our span of years. What they have found though is that nerve cells are being created all the time and old nerve cells are replaced, just as are other cells of the body. It has also been found that nerve cells in the brain have memory and are communication with each other all the time, not only with electrical communication, but also with chemicals and other means. However, it’s been found that not only nerve cells communicate; all the cells of your body have memory and communicate with each other within a group of cells or an organ. It’s the breakdown of this communication between cells that may lead to disease, or even to cancer.

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How does this cell memory affect us in the case of happiness and joy? The cell memory enables the cell to respond to mood. The vital life force in the cell adjusts to your positive or negative attitudes and moods, aligning with your thoughts. When you are happy, the cells flow with energy, giving vitality back to your mood. However, when you are worried or stressed, the energy slows down and you become depressed. If you are consistently put under pressure, experiencing a joyless life, it’s possible for a person to develop visible consequences, like the greying of the hair. Other effects may not be so visible, as in the restriction of blood flow due to cardiac stress.

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“Fly away my heart; don’t despair. The world is full of joy; You cry, you smile then you dance.”

--- Judith Sephuma

We need to asses ourselves in different areas of our lives and ascertain where we are truly happy and where we are not so we can make changes and improve our existence. You choose what you focus on: the problem or the solution. Far too often most people, feeling victimised, focus on the problem. However, if you envisage the problem as being a challenge and direct your attention on the solution, you take one a cloak of empowerment.

"Most people aren't really happy, but they aren't unhappy enough to do anything about it."

---Tony Robbins

Happiness is like an iceberg; only the tip is visible above the surface of your being as most of it is internal. You can put on a happy face, but be miserable within. This is not true happiness. However, if you fill yourself up with the abundant joy of thoughts filled with happiness deep within your heart, you are on your way to genuine bliss. It is not possible to create permanent happiness with anything external. All the ‘stuff’ in the world will not bring you joy in the long run. That fancy car you’ve always wanted; it’s just a machine, it has not life force to bring you the energy you require to produce joy. It may make you happy for a while, but the kind of happiness it creates is fleeting; it fades fast. Then you will think you need something else to bring you happiness. This kind of thinking is hollow and unproductive.

“True happiness arises in the first place, from the enjoyment of one’s self.”

--- Joseph Addison

So, we need to learn to create happiness from within to truly be content with life. We need to know ourselves more intimately, expecting to live joyously and asking ourselves enlightened questions of what really brings us happiness. By concentrating on what brings us lasting happiness, our joy will be inflated beyond the boundaries of our minds and bodies, spreading the energy of pleasure and enjoyment of life in a force of energy to those around us. It's amazing what a catalyst a little bit of joy can be. So many of us need an external catalyst to set us on the road to happiness, but once encouraged, we need to work at being happy. We cannot expect someone else to continually be there make us happy.

I remember a children’s’ song that went, “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” I interpret that to suggest: “If you're happy and you know it, tell your face.”

Letting happiness show makes all the difference. Try walking down the street and smiling at passersby. Those you ‘touch’ with your exhilaration will walk on smiling too; it’s contagious, like a domino effect. If you can believe in your happiness for a moment, just one moment, and believe that it could be even remotely possible to live the life you have always dreamed of, filled with joy and contentment, wouldn’t it be worth it to make the effort and accept happiness as a given. Moreover, your 'joy well' isn't in danger of drying up or being depleted because you use some joy; someone else having a lot of joy doesn't mean there is less for you and giving some away is not going to leave you depleted. Joy isn't a finite commodity. You can have as much as you wish and still have plenty to share or give away.

Perhaps, most importantly, we shouldn’t settle just for contentment, neither should we settle for mere happiness. Rather, we should reach out and grasp the joy that is our due, for great enjoyment in life is our right and we should never settle for less. That joy comes from the capacity to fell deeply, to express our emotions to the fullest and to simply enjoy everything in life. Enjoyment in life comes from being able to think freely, from taking risks and winning, and from being needed. Those who have an abundance of joy are people who prioritise looking for joy, seeking it out not in others or their surroundings, but in themselves first. Enjoy, just enjoy and spread a little joy today, then watch it come pouring back again!

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?”

---Rose Kennedy